On September 8th the heartbreaking news that Queen Elizabeth had died filled me with unbearable sadness & a sense of personal loss, she was a constant presence my whole life.

I managed to see her 3 times in the last 8 days.

There has never been a day in my life she wasn’t my Queen. I looked up to her, admired her & rather naively thought she would live forever.

The morning after Her Majesty’s death I made my way to Buckingham Palace and joined what would be the start of a week of queues. Standing in the English rain like many that Friday morning overwhelmed with shock & grief.

I was immediately struck by the different languages around me united in our grief we whispered among ourselves. From children in arms to War Hero decorated & honoured we were standing close to her home …her balcony…her soldiers..

The eyes of the World turned to Scotland but Tuesday evening I stood on London’s Hyde Park Corner waiting for 5 hours to see her Majesty’s lit hearse pass by me. The coffin was dressed in vibrant gold & red so bright on a dark wet night. Draped in the Royal Standard flag we stood soggy in the dark night lit by mobile phones and tv cameras.

A night never to forget her motorcade had passed by at 7.45 pm. Earlier at 5 pm, I had witnessed The King returning to Buckingham Palace in the same spot. The King with Camilla waved to the crowds the cheers got louder as the car gently approached the palace. At least 5,000 gathered around the gates.

Wednesday evening was the first night The Queen was to lie in state. I had a yearning, a grief so deeply felt a chance to be close one more time. With an estimated queue time of 8 hours, I packed food, a hat and music and headed to join a queue at 9 pm. Tate Britain was my starting point and in the cold dark night, I stood opposite St Paul’s cathedral only the Thames separated us.

Two hours in listening to David Bowie

Moving along the Thames leaving St Paul’s behind at midnight.

Under the London Eye where I finally received my guarantee to see The Queen …the essential wristband.

Why did 250,000 people feel the need to say goodbye? Was it our duty, our respect or just a need? I queued for 9 hours to spend 5 minutes in Westminster Hall. I stood in tears to say thank you and more importantly goodbye.

A coffin is a personal moment to witness. The splendour of the crown and ambience of Royalty cannot be described. Walking among the flowers in Green Park, the Palace had transferred the bouquets which had now perfumed the air ..the most gorgeous fragrance of overwhelming blossoms.

Paddington Bears hanging from trees and woven between the 1000s of flowers were marmalade sandwiches half eaten by the squirrels. Children’s drawings wrapped in cellophane alongside personal stories.

On emerging from the night queue I slowly made my way past Big Ben it was 6.30 am. Like many others in the queue, I had made good friends we laughed together, ate together told stories and united in our personal grief over the beloved Queen we stood and openly wept.

The Queen’s funeral took place only 3 days ago with 29 million British tv viewers watching the pomp and ceremonies we watched in awe. The sound of pounding drums ..the pipes of Scotland ringing throughout Westminster and beyond.

AT 1.30 pm Her Majesty passed the end of my road. Standing with my camera in hand I waited nervously, the motorcade now heading towards Windsor slowly edged away from Hyde Park. I stood among thousands within seconds she was gone.

Cherished, loved, and unreplaceable my life will never be the same without her.

The videos are available to WATCH ON Instagram stories The Queen at Chic50style below read about The Queen’s grocer Fortnum and Mason and her favourite brooch.